i wanna be loved by you

i don't quite know how to explain who i am or what i'm about. So i suppose i will let my fingers do the talking for me and type what is in my head at this very moment.

i walk around with my heart in a cage, and a bleeding psyche, looking for eyes in the hall. a certain pair of eyes, a specific kind of eyes...any eyes that will take the time to look at me.

but there's no such luck. all eyes pass by, seeing me without noticing me, or just looking the other way. for them i don't matter. i'm not a life, i'm not the sum of 18 years of breathing. i'm just the brand of detergent nobody wants to buy, and so their eyes go on skimming the shelves, skimming through for a better brand, skipping my existence.

i get tired of searching for eyes that would even care to validate my existence. so I just look down, i look at every stop i take. every. lonely. step. i take. alone. my feet moving, such a strange taken-for-granted thing to watch.

i say "hi" but when i get no response i think the only voice i have is in my head, and only i can hear it. i compliment, wholeheartedly, but they listen to the compliment, call me a liar and walk away. i stare at someone, hoping to be stared back at so i can have a chance to say hi, but my sight must be so weak.

i'm unfeelable.

sometimes they ask me if i care to join them.
sometimes they're eating and ask me if i would like some.
sometimes they say they like my outfit.
sometimes they leave me notes.
sometimes they ask me how i did on my test.
sometimes they introduce me to their friends.
sometimes they say "please" and "thank you".

and those sometimes make me feel almost human...sometimes.

but over all, i'm not good enough for them. and they get away as spontaneously as they came to me in the first place.

once again, i go back to be the plastic soul in an organic human body. the one that isn't worth the time to reply to. the one that "maybe is not really there, so why bother?". the one that's not good enough. not happy enough to be pretty, not in enough pain to be beautiful.

i'm not invisible, it's just that people don't look at me. and for some strange reason, that hurts a lot.

though now that i've found something to die for...my life seems as it is worth living.


				i wanna be loved by you



	look at me \| family \| musketeers